Jason, I love your fiction. But if you ever decided to go the Mark Manson route, you would kill. Every one of your get-your-shit-together articles from Cracked was helpful and inspiring in fixing my own shit.
As usual Jason is directly on point with my life experiences. I will try to learn these. I find it interesting that twice he mentions having a specific realization about a specific thing. Like you were 29 when you realized the thing about that girl. I wonder what made you think about that.
Agree with pretty much everything here. I'd expand on #5 and say that roughly 90% of human conversation is pointless call-and-response bullshit, and just a verbal version of two dogs sniffing each other's butts to see who has the most interesting heartworm.
"Polite conversation" is really just random sampling of the surrounding social group to test herd normalcy. When someone asks "how's it going" people don't actually want to hear your life story. They want to hear "fine" "same old, same old" or a stupid dad joke, because it means they can relax in the knowledge that nobody expects them to do anything, the fields aren't on fire, no Mongols are invading from the east, and nobody has giardia (that they'll admit to).
One slight correction that only further proves your point is that "intelligence" is not something people either have or not have. There are many kinds of intelligence, and "smart people" are often only aware of one. Social intelligence is a big one we tend to be blind to. When frustrated by someone who isn't smart, most of the time their intelligence simply is of a different type.
This is the most real piece of writing I've read in a long time, if ever, and I had to make an account just to say so. I have diagnosed social anxiety disorder and social phobia. I've had all the counseling and everything. Yet some of these ideas are things that never occurred to me, and have never been said to me. Thank you so much, I can't put into words how much this blew my mind and enlightened me.
General question for anyone here: If you are friends with someone on some level, and they don't invite you to their wedding, isn't that relationship essentially over? I basically lost an entire friend group in my twenties and thirties because as they started to marry off(I'm not married), I kept missing out on their weddings. My best friend in that group was the last of them to get married, and I was still uninvited. I guess we didn't like each other that much, and I should have brokered a conversation with them. We still did Fantasy Football with them up to a few years ago, and I should have said something! "Why am I still doing a Fantasy Football league with a bunch of people I don't interact with anymore otherwise?"
Jason, thank you for piercing my soul with your penetrating essay. In gratitude, I have resolved to read your entire catalogue. If you ever need a holiday, you may enjoy a stay in Japan. Just got back:
it was very wise and humbling as well. Take care. Trevor
This is great! And ironically, many of these things are why I don't communicate or socialize online. People are terrible and online brings out their worst.
I'm reminded of the movie Yes Man which is kind of stupid and kind of bad but is probably too horrific a concept for socially awkward people to ever consider doing.
How’s this for socially awkward: I’m just going to go ahead and say that this bit brought tears to my eyes: “there are people who care deeply about you but who have always been terrible at expressing that sentiment verbally. They might even be your parents. Try watching what they do instead.”
Thank you for writing this lovely and useful article!
Jason, I love your fiction. But if you ever decided to go the Mark Manson route, you would kill. Every one of your get-your-shit-together articles from Cracked was helpful and inspiring in fixing my own shit.
As usual Jason is directly on point with my life experiences. I will try to learn these. I find it interesting that twice he mentions having a specific realization about a specific thing. Like you were 29 when you realized the thing about that girl. I wonder what made you think about that.
Agree with pretty much everything here. I'd expand on #5 and say that roughly 90% of human conversation is pointless call-and-response bullshit, and just a verbal version of two dogs sniffing each other's butts to see who has the most interesting heartworm.
"Polite conversation" is really just random sampling of the surrounding social group to test herd normalcy. When someone asks "how's it going" people don't actually want to hear your life story. They want to hear "fine" "same old, same old" or a stupid dad joke, because it means they can relax in the knowledge that nobody expects them to do anything, the fields aren't on fire, no Mongols are invading from the east, and nobody has giardia (that they'll admit to).
One slight correction that only further proves your point is that "intelligence" is not something people either have or not have. There are many kinds of intelligence, and "smart people" are often only aware of one. Social intelligence is a big one we tend to be blind to. When frustrated by someone who isn't smart, most of the time their intelligence simply is of a different type.
This is the most real piece of writing I've read in a long time, if ever, and I had to make an account just to say so. I have diagnosed social anxiety disorder and social phobia. I've had all the counseling and everything. Yet some of these ideas are things that never occurred to me, and have never been said to me. Thank you so much, I can't put into words how much this blew my mind and enlightened me.
General question for anyone here: If you are friends with someone on some level, and they don't invite you to their wedding, isn't that relationship essentially over? I basically lost an entire friend group in my twenties and thirties because as they started to marry off(I'm not married), I kept missing out on their weddings. My best friend in that group was the last of them to get married, and I was still uninvited. I guess we didn't like each other that much, and I should have brokered a conversation with them. We still did Fantasy Football with them up to a few years ago, and I should have said something! "Why am I still doing a Fantasy Football league with a bunch of people I don't interact with anymore otherwise?"
Nice! I can't wait to try to remember to read this later but go ahead and share it with people as if I already have
❤️
Jason, thank you for piercing my soul with your penetrating essay. In gratitude, I have resolved to read your entire catalogue. If you ever need a holiday, you may enjoy a stay in Japan. Just got back:
it was very wise and humbling as well. Take care. Trevor
This is great! And ironically, many of these things are why I don't communicate or socialize online. People are terrible and online brings out their worst.
I'm reminded of the movie Yes Man which is kind of stupid and kind of bad but is probably too horrific a concept for socially awkward people to ever consider doing.
How’s this for socially awkward: I’m just going to go ahead and say that this bit brought tears to my eyes: “there are people who care deeply about you but who have always been terrible at expressing that sentiment verbally. They might even be your parents. Try watching what they do instead.”
Thank you for writing this lovely and useful article!
Thanks J.